I can't keep my head up
but I like it
I like the blood rushing to my face
when you look at me

I don't worry
because you're just another
guy
looking at my math test
another guy
who hasn't shaved for two days
another boy
that is inconsistent
I don't want to love you, I just want to bug you
I just want my face to stay red.

and they all said that she would be
such a good girl
did they notice when her blushing naive days were
past them
did they realize that sometimes she would let
him walk her down the hall - he being a highly inebriated boy of 17
did they realize that she was running away?
did they see her when she was not their
sweet little Dolly?
would they have known that she could not give something
sacred to the hazel eyed mistake she let be
she let him be
and she found Jesus
she found herself
she found a Glory when she cried herself awake in the morning
reality was reality
"such a good girl"
they pat her back
they don't need to know, do they.

I was just trying to get away from
caustic, biting words
just trying to be normal
but, they follow me
they know how to destroy me
and I'm just hiding behind my
hair,
my concrete smile,
and God.

sometimes the monsters go
away
if only for a day or two.
I want to have faith
in the dark.

my mind
a deck of cards shuffled
need to be put into place
- I believe -
he told me to trust
so I am
he did always take care of me
but not without me falling to pieces
he burned broken glass together
and he told me to trust
- I believe -
crossing out
I have so many iniquities
to right
that I know I can't, so
- I believe -
like poignant sugar coated smiles
I give to you
I'll mean them in a minute
Just give me a minute