Hypocrite

somedays
I don't want to be the backbone
the medicine
the callous
the punchline
the freak
so for this moment
I crumble and dissolve
into someone I should hate
but I don't hate her
mostly just envy
because she has your attention
undivided, unflinching
and she is unafraid to
ascertain more
will you let her? like everbody else?
or will you put an end to my
foolishness...

life in the fast lane
I am impatient
I am seeing stars
and black is trying to envelope me
so I sit down with speed
coursing through my throat to
every part of me that is
shrinking
try to save me quickly
try to save me at all
I can't hear you speaking
my hair is flames consuming my
head
but I smile
and you whisper
"are you alright?"
and I nod
while my eyes scream "no"

the pictures on my wall
are hung sideways
so I always feel I'm falling off my bed
how bout you?
do you think that you made your one big
mistake?
I could press "undo" for you
but you have to beg and plead

the color of my eyes
changed when you weren't looking
do you wish you could see?
we'll pretend
just enough to get by
with tight lipped smiles
genuine and sincere
just cry for me, ok?