I want to see you safe
warm and gentle
you are broken always
I want more for you
than another fluke
another temporary solution
to become fixable,
is improbable
but I have seen miracles
and I have a hope
you will wind up using your life
for more than you thought
if you could pull together
in the quiet moments of the dark.

vending machine life

i press A5
here is my candy heart
i glance past glass at what
i think i want.
sixty five cents for a couple ounces of skittles.

i laugh.
my head is leaning on the glass
i don't want anything.
even if i did, i don't have seventy five cents
(one dime back)

i wince and see
you are looking at my vending machine life
could you not criticize
my cheated dollar
the way that, every once in a while no candy comes out
even as you give me every quarter you have?
whisper words to glass.
maybe it will permeate my
empty interior
and i will light up for you.

I'm sitting here staring at
valentine hearts
reminding me of the day that I'm pretty sure
I fell in love with you
reminding me more of the day that I had to tell you
it couldn't be the way it was
you were tying a ribbon around my neck
I felt your breath, your hands the closest they had been
since the day I knew that I was in love with you

Most days I wonder what would have happened
if I had said nothing
if I had not torn the ribbon off my neck and
if I had let my voice waver
you would have known I didn't mean it
and you could love me

Always I know that it would have remained
so empty
so breakable
and it wouldn't matter how much I had given you
it wouldn't make it beautiful,
it would just hurt more