I'm lying awake on a
brand new mattress, and I can't
even sleep with how nice it is.
I'm waiting for
the springs to break my back,
and when they don't
I can smell her upstairs
making a pot of coffee
because she can't sleep either
and while my feet ache too much to reach
the two new inches to the floor
I try it anyway
I wonder if her coffee is black enough for
me tonight
I wish that I had a perfect throat to finish
off another cup without some medicine.
I think about new army drugs, to help
you remember when you can't. Or something
like that; he was telling me about it because
he heard it on NPR.
I wish that it was not so hard to lay on this
nice soft mattress that I am trying to love
but somehow I am waiting for the springs to break my
back.
And when they don't, I think of something funny
that you said. You were sixteen, and in love with
my best friend. You were funny, and I laugh out loud
whilst I wish for coffee and army drugs and wonder
how you grew up too fast. Why your hair grew out so
fast. And if you still want to become a policeman.
I wish I were as tired as I thought I was.
I wonder, is she reading up stairs? While she drinks
her semi-black coffee with my really good cheesecake?
I made that cheesecake pretty well. I know that
I'm pretty good at something, just not good enough
to fall asleep tonight, without my old decrepit mattress.

"the moon is green in this light"
I think because there is nothing else to think right now
what would you have me say?
because my foot is next to the windshield
and you've never looked so calloused.
what the hell am I supposed to know?
am I supposed to talk about how he left us
for mexico
he left me for all that tequila that suddenly
looks so hideous
and what am I supposed to laugh at if
you won't even blink
you sing the words that you
don't think I know.
I'm taking chances with stoplights at 11:04
wishing I'd get arrested
so we'd feel something
and I hate tonight
even while I can't stop laughing.
Because what else am I supposed to think right now