I don't remember if
I'm remembering Emily
the way she really is,
or the way she deserves to be remembered.
what I remember is, that each small touch
released a wave to my brain. And that she was real
and that I forgot about her. Too quickly.

She is a forest I'll be glad to be lost in--again.
She brings me back and hollows me out.
Sings me Spanish lullabies.

I let you call the shots for all this time
oh honey.
And now you come back looking for me, to find me nowhere. To find me in hotels where the air is thick with sex and money. The other young women and other young men, hurrying to the elevator and no one else is around but me to put down my head, shamefully. To ignore their whispers as they walk past me, and I'm peripheral in the movie of their life.
You find me in therapy sessions where the doctor holds my arm away from my body, and says, "Yes, there is a problem here." You find me melting.
oh sweetheart.
When I couldn't fulfill myself in you, I spread the fulfillment around.
oh, baby,
Don't say too much out loud.